we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
