Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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