So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
