I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
