i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
