windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I didn't notice because vodka
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
