I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
