I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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