I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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