Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
