i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
