While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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