did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
