he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
