i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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