The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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