dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
