So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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