I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
