someone get that fucking seahorse.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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