Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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