I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
