So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am midnight drunk by noon
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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