I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
