Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize