Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
