we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
