This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
