I just pynch a tree in the face
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
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