this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
