redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
