And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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