Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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