White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize