hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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