Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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