Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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