We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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