I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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