I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
