Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
