The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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