that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
