Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
sex in a hospital.. check
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
