When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
