there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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