I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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