whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So apparently I’m into choking now
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