Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
