When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
