Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
