I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
