Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
