one might say we're banned from that church
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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