I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
