I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
