those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
