I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
