i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
