im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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