In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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