i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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