Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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