That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
