the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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