my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
