Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
