Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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