he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My ATM looks so different sober.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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