I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
